Ascending

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I am very happy that I found this picture in my photo library. I had forgotten about it, and it looks like my children had a lot of fun there; but this seventh birthday of my middle son in Spring seven years ago wasn’t funny.

All three of us where still in shock because of our unforeseen escape shortly before Christmas, away from the father of my children. We fled to a holiday apartment in a small village by the River Lech; I only had one hour to pack some stuff, the children were with a friend of mine, my husband was still in the house, and I remember that I was still thinking about the children’s Lego Advent calendars. 

So seven days before Christmas Eve we suddenly found ourselves in a completely different situation. My children were 6 and 4 years old, the fourth birthday of my youngest was only a few days ago, and the night before it was the worst of my life…

My husband insisted that I go out at night, it was almost an order! He said, he wanted to spend time with the children without me. That felt strange to me. He never wanted to take care of our children! At this time it had long since been decided that we would separate, and so I thought that he really was interested in spending time with the children. I gave in and left our home.  But when I got back I couldn’t get inside! He had locked the front door from the inside, had left the key in the lock and didn’t answer the phone either. I ran around the house and tried to get in via the terrace or the cellar. But these doors were also locked. I didn’t want to scream and waken my children, I was worried that they would get scared. I was stunned, and I cried. 

I had trusted my husband and now I had to realize that it was a big mistake. My youngest would get up on next morning without a hug of his mommy. He would get up on his fourth birthday without a hug and kisses from his mommy. Every day of his life I was with him and on his birthday of all days I would not be there. My heart wanted to burst and I was trembling. I ran to a friend and hoped to get help and advice. I wished for a miracle!

We couldn’t do anything. Again and again I tried to call my husband, but I could only leave some messages on the answering machine. I didn’t sleep that night, I cried. I cried over the years that had passed and in which I had to watch how my husband changed. I couldn’t see that he was mentally ill, the narcissistic personality disorder is very difficult to recognize. 

I assumed something had happened, because he called me very early in the morning and said that I could now come home again. Luckily my friend lived close by, so I was home a few minutes later. I ran to my children immediately! They were still sleeping deeply and they seemed fine. I couldn’t understand why did their father do that to me. All I knew was that I wouldn’t trust him anymore. Never again.

15 thoughts on “Ascending

  1. A very difficult situation to have to go through, which makes this photo even more striking, as all of you ascended from that nightmare to a much better life. Thank you for sharing this,

    Frank

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, it was a nightmare, and it went on for a few more years. so organizing birthday parties for my children were often too much for me. But since one year we are really well and we enjoy our family life.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow! Thank you for choosing to share intimately about an intensely frightening and emotional time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hadn’t planned to write about it; this incident only came into my mind just when I wondered why I have only few birthday photos. This time was very stressful, so I forgot to take pictures of my children. I have a lot of catching up!

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    2. I think it is a protective & defensive mechanism when stressful & bad things are blocked from our minds. We all have to cope in our own ways.

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    3. Yes, you are right. The bad things come back into our consciousness when the time is ripe for them and when we are ready for looking back.

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  3. I am sorry that you and your children had to endure this treatment. Thank you for sharing such a difficult moment. The photos are striking and capture the strength that you and your kids had to get through those times. May your hearts continue to heal and find strength in each other.
    Jordan

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jordan, for your heartwarming words! Yes, we won’t forget it, but we are going our healing way step by step.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Horribly frightening! My first and I divorced after she had many affairs. Sadly, she had custody of my daughter. No worse feeling than being separated from your children

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that’s a horrible feeling! In Germany there is only the shared custody; this primarily help fathers not to lose contact with their children, because it’s mostly the mothers who use the children to punish the fathers for leaving. Unfortunately, this law had caused a lot of court proceedings for me, because my husband wanted to hurt me.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I’m sorry to hear that. It is really sad when someone uses the children like weapons

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Yes; and children are feeling that…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sad story and terrible experience – I hope everything is OK now with you and your kids.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Tatiana! Yes, we are fine now.

      Liked by 1 person

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