I am very happy that I found this picture in my photo library. I had forgotten about it, and it looks like my children had a lot of fun there; but this seventh birthday of my middle son in Spring seven years ago wasn’t funny.
All three of us where still in shock because of our unforeseen escape shortly before Christmas, away from the father of my children. We fled to a holiday apartment in a small village by the River Lech; I only had one hour to pack some stuff, the children were with a friend of mine, my husband was still in the house, and I remember that I was still thinking about the children’s Lego Advent calendars.
So seven days before Christmas Eve we suddenly found ourselves in a completely different situation. My children were 6 and 4 years old, the fourth birthday of my youngest was only a few days ago, and the night before it was the worst of my life…
My husband insisted that I go out at night, it was almost an order! He said, he wanted to spend time with the children without me. That felt strange to me. He never wanted to take care of our children! At this time it had long since been decided that we would separate, and so I thought that he really was interested in spending time with the children. I gave in and left our home. But when I got back I couldn’t get inside! He had locked the front door from the inside, had left the key in the lock and didn’t answer the phone either. I ran around the house and tried to get in via the terrace or the cellar. But these doors were also locked. I didn’t want to scream and waken my children, I was worried that they would get scared. I was stunned, and I cried.
I had trusted my husband and now I had to realize that it was a big mistake. My youngest would get up on next morning without a hug of his mommy. He would get up on his fourth birthday without a hug and kisses from his mommy. Every day of his life I was with him and on his birthday of all days I would not be there. My heart wanted to burst and I was trembling. I ran to a friend and hoped to get help and advice. I wished for a miracle!
We couldn’t do anything. Again and again I tried to call my husband, but I could only leave some messages on the answering machine. I didn’t sleep that night, I cried. I cried over the years that had passed and in which I had to watch how my husband changed. I couldn’t see that he was mentally ill, the narcissistic personality disorder is very difficult to recognize.
I assumed something had happened, because he called me very early in the morning and said that I could now come home again. Luckily my friend lived close by, so I was home a few minutes later. I ran to my children immediately! They were still sleeping deeply and they seemed fine. I couldn’t understand why did their father do that to me. All I knew was that I wouldn’t trust him anymore. Never again.